Your Self Care Is An Attack On Me

Your Self Care Is An Attack On Me

– And then Trapp
said, don’t talk to me until the end of berry season. – Oh, god, we work
with so many dorks. – I know. I know. – What are you doing right now? You want to get a beer? – Oh, I can’t I’m going
to a boot camp class. [SAD PIANO CHORD] – Oh. – What? – Nothing. That’s good. – Good. – How about on the Thursday
after the all hands meeting? Do you want to get a
couple of margaritas? – Oh, I would. But I’m kind of trying
not to drink right now. [SAD PIANO CHORD] But you know what? I just made some
lavender kombucha. So maybe we could take
a couple of those, go on like a long walk. – [SCOFFS] – What? – Your self care
is an attack on me. – How could you
possibly think that? – If you’re leaving, just leave. Don’t draw it out. I can’t take it. – I’m trying to make a few
small changes to feel better. It has nothing to do with you. – Please. You think I haven’t
been here before? Don’t flatter yourself. – Grant, you’re being– – This is like in college when
my roommate started hiking on the weekends instead of
doing Big Beer Boy Brunch Bash– – Grant, you’re being– – or my ex said he had to stop
doing so much Molly because he was losing color vision– – You’re being– – –or when Zach
quit college humor. You’re moving on without me. – You’re being nuts! Wanting to feel a
little better doesn’t mean I’m judging your behavior. – You probably don’t even
have your desk scotch anymore. – I never had that. – Who even are you? What’s going on? What, is this a calendar? – Yes! – Well, we don’t use calendars. We keep track of meetings
vaguely in our head and then get a little
surprised when they pop up. It’s our thing! – Look, it’s not you. It’s me. – No. – I’ll always cherish the
time that we had together, OK? But I can’t play beef
fat pong anymore, OK? And I can’t stay up all night
to catch an insomnia high. And I can’t use a
piece of a pillow as floss because the floss is
just out of reach, all right? I– [SAD PIANO CHORDS] I’ve moved on. – What am I going to do? – You’re going to keep being
the– put the beef fat down. You’re going to keep being
the best that you can be. – I’m scared to go
scum-bagging alone. – And try not to use that
word as like a verb anymore. It’s gross. But, hey, how about one more
drink for old time’s sake. – That sounds nice. – Cheers. – To a new life. – [SPITS] Mm. Mm-mm. What is that? – It’s moonshine. – What? – I won it at a
crazy hand of poker. – I’m losing my color vision! – Hey, it’s Grant. If you like college humor
and want to support us, sign up for Dropout. For the low price of 0.005%
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down said student debt; access to an exclusive
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about my student loans. I studied acting. – You took out loans
to study acting? – It’s my one thing. That’s– it’s my whole deal. Sign up for a free trial today. Then pay after that. I need it.

100 thoughts on “Your Self Care Is An Attack On Me

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  2. The line "When my ex said he had to stop doing much Molly because he was losing color vision." Hahaha 😂😂

  3. Oh my gosh I have a friend who is actually like Grant. When I say I’m not drinking that night cause I’m hiking the next morning she takes it so personally 😆

  4. 1:44 "You're giving me it's not you it's me routine? I invented it's not you it's me! Nobody tells me it's them not if it's anybody it's me! You're damn right it's me! I know what you were trying to do! Nobody does it better than me! Yes well unfortunately you'll never get the chance to find out." Now start the song.

  5. I miss Zac. His absence makes me forget all about Grant's existence. It's almost as if I only recognize Grant is even there if Zac is there too.

  6. Oh shit, this is hitting me like a train.
    My friends do not drink so I don't drink either or I would feel guilty.
    My friends all have interesting hobbies and I had to find one too to not feel lazy

  7. But seriously though, what kind of person doesn't have a little booze stash in their desk at work? Stop being ridiculous…

  8. When Zac left college humour he was moving on!! <3
    But he's still there Grant. Right there in your heart – oh wait no he's actually behind you playing dimension 20…

  9. "We keep track of meetings vaguely in our heads and then get a little surprised when they pop up. It's our THING!" too true.

  10. I feel like "your self care is an attack on me" would have landed better as a joke if that hadn't also been the title of the video.

  11. Haha, this was so funny. I went vegetarian about 4 months ago and a few people in my life did seem to take it as a personal attack.
    I had to directly explain just because I stopped eating meat it doesn't mean they have to at all nor do I judge them for it. It is all our personal choice.

  12. That title alone earned a solid minute long laugh from me, whoever came up with that line, thank you, you have saved someone’s life forever.

  13. I tried with you. There's more to life than sleeping in and getting high with you. I had to let go of us to show myself what I could do, but that just didn't seem right with you. And now you're throwing it back on my face? On purpose? You're talking down on my name? You don't feel no way because you think I deserve it.

  14. I'll go scumbagging with you, Grant. Just let me finish emailing my boss to tell him I'm fake-sick so I can get out of work tomorrow.

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