Self Care Tips for Those in Codependency Recovery/Lisa A Romano

Self Care Tips for Those in Codependency Recovery/Lisa A Romano


100 thoughts on “Self Care Tips for Those in Codependency Recovery/Lisa A Romano

  1. I think its interesting that those who did not teach us to self-love did not express self-love to themselves. Always wondered why I didn't know how to dress myself take care of myself but clearly my role models were sleeping and shouting on their jobs. I have only started putting makeup at 26, I have always felt guilty shopping. I remember I would have to beg my mother to buy us clothes and all she would say is we have no money yet she would buy herself clothes and still those clothes never made her happy and never brought her personality out. Even with the many clothes she would still dress and still does dress so badly at home. My younger sister doesn't believe even in putting make up truly deep inside her is the actual belief that she doesn't have to offer herself self-care.

  2. In terms of self care my mother is just like your mother! What I noticed throughout my life is that my mother always did things like getting ready, eating etc very fast. I guess it's because she was programmed to believe that other people's time is more valuable than hers. I even remember her telling me that it's ok if you have to wait for other people but it's not ok if other people have to wait for you! Wtf
    I have a very harsh inner critic that tells me I take too long to get ready, I walk too slow, I eat too slow, etc., I will have to work on changing this.

  3. Thank you and namaste Lisa💑,very important topic for many av us COINDIPENDENTS and from DYSFUNCTIONAL homes..
    All your videos in those months has HELP me to think and reacr in a new way in my recovery💜🙌,warm HUGS from Norway❤

  4. There was no room for self care in my life from very young. Any need i had was classed as being naughty and an attention-seeker, which included illness. Just one situation I remember, having some front teeth crowned caused uproar with the "how dare you better yourself" stuff. The nastiness and threats when i was not able to drop my job or not be able to travel long distances to see to yet another drama. Even if i went on holiday, i had their accusations and wrath. Everything i did or that they made up was used as weapons to ruin every single day of my life. No contact is the ONLY way. Then, learn who you are and relax in your own world. It's not easy, but worth it.

  5. Lisa Romano you are a radiant goddess! The information you provide is literally life saving. You are an amazing woman. My mum and I refer to you as 'Queen Lisa'! My heart is literally bursting with love for you. Without these videos I would have continued living an unexamined life of misery and now I am free. I never knew that most of my friendships and all of my relationships were abusive. I literally had no idea! It is bonkers. All these years I thought abuse was love. Now I know better. And when we know better we do better! 🙂 Wishing you many blessings from England xx

  6. Lisa I've been watching your videos for about 2 years. I relapsed a year ago and finally got out a few months ago. Self care is something I never knew about. I've started the epsom salt baths, doing my own nails, getting regular hair cuts. Seems simple, but just never knew. I recently shopped for boots which I have always thought were something I couldn't have because it meant I was spending too much money on myself. Even my grocery shopping has changed. At first it felt weird, now I'm ok with it. I thank God I found your channel. Thank you Lisa!

  7. I was seeking permission from my dysfunctional family of origin to have another child, because they truly believe that it is embarrassing to have more than two kids. Took me years to realize that they are toxic and that I have walk away and never look back.

  8. Lisa, this message is a God send. The timing is impeccable in my life right now! May your blessings be abundant for all you do for all of us. I seriously don't have the words to thank you. It's heartfelt! 💗😘💕

  9. Thank you again for showing up right on time! I just love you Lisa. You explain things so clearly. I'm so inspired right now…IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!! Bless you and your family. Keep up the good work k?

  10. Namaste, Lisa! First I would love to thank you for sharing your wonderful wisdom and insights and perspectives ❤️ I have tons of respect for your opinions and would therefore love to hear your opinion on cannabis/weed! Thank you for being you ❤️

  11. Thats true I dint know how to self care coz my mum was taking care of seven children I being the first born on her small salary of primary school teacher. My dad who now I understand was a narcissist abandoned us technicaly and was busy with other women and drinking tho I come from a society where a man is allowed to have as many women as he would like. That stressed my mum who expected to be in an exclusive relationship which led her to have a mental breakdown. She made me her assistant in doing chores which weighed heavily on me. I never learned grooming. She took out on me coz of her husbands absence which I ended up doing the same to our daughter as her dad abandoned us coz of his nature of work. Self care isnt easy but one can purpose to prioritise oneself as you recognise those struggles one was conditioned to early in life. I feel am still stuck.

  12. I watch so many self help and spirituality videos and I sometimes get overwhelmed and don't know what aspects of myself and my life I need to work on or start with, then I get frazzled and don't do it and then feel crap and then feel guilty about feeling crap😂 I mean this had been happening every few weeks/months for past 4/5 years, the same circle! I think what's great about this video is that we've all heard we need to love ourselves, but that can be so so difficult if you actually just DON'T! There's only so much positive affirmations someone can do! Start with care! This video has just completely simplified my healing journey for me. Just care take of yourself and the rest will take care of itself. This has given me so much clarity. Thank you Lisa , from the bottom of my heart 🙏🙏

  13. Thank you Lisa,
    This was so helpful. I'm definitely putting more into me and showing myself self love everyday. I am enough.
    Cleaning my home is very therapeutic for me. Getting rid of the old and making room for the new. The best is yet to come. Namaste🙏🏿😁

  14. so true… on the self compassion note, my therapist keeps telling Kristin Neff self compassion book is a must read 🙂

  15. Breaking emotional Cycles that are extremely traumatic purse have to be recognized hard to tell when something's colored yellow and you've been told all your life it was Green just for a for instance

  16. My middle name is Joy. I was told I was given that name from the Lord as a calling to put J.esus first, O.thers next, and Y.ourself last. I was named 2 years before I was born. Realizing this was important. I was given a function before birth, and then picked. I was abandoned at the hospital, and failure to thrive. My adopted mom saw how extra needy, and desperate to connect I was. I can't remember her making me one sandwich, cleaning the house, only me taking care of her. My siblings and I were on eggshells trying to make her happy. We cleaned, we cooked. I played servant at 3, and that is the role I have played for a long time. I am undoing it, but boy is it hard. It's ok to struggle with the balance while you figure it out.

  17. I have problem with selfcare bcoz my narcisisstic family got angry and hated me when i was looking good, they were jealouse.

  18. Besides being raised with a Narcissistic mother , procrastination is my other huge problem 😔 can you pleased make a video on how to over come procrastination inability. Thank you Lisa 😘

  19. That was a very helpful and informative video, Lisa 🙂

    You always make things look and feel simple through validation. Loved it!

  20. We forgive you fir reading from notes now forgive yoursel darling❤️❤️

    This is why we need to care for eachother it comes easier for me taking care of me is very hard.

    Instead of saying take care of youself show how you do it and Also help it happen for the one you are advicing

  21. This is a great video! Excellent guide to rebuilding one's ability to care for oneself. It's even useful if a person was taught self-care, but has slipped out of such good habits. (Who would downvote such excellent advice?)

  22. Yes! You sound like me. I grew up feeling like I wasn't suppose to like myself. I continue to suffer and self sabotage.

  23. Lisa …I am one of them women that you explained in this video….the ones that look like they have their stuff is wired tight…. they're in the gym and they're on programs… Take care of their diet….. They do with their children also…ME
    Please understand some of us are Running From The Storm….
    36 years in….I have to stay in top condition… confronting the Beast …to be ready….
    I called it Spartan training…
    I got up every morning 2 -3 in the morning I would train then I would even try to hold down a job cleaning houses until he put me down enough where I would come back home again
    Take care of my kids to shopping the dinner the cleaning all of it …..then Train
    every job I tried I would do really well at … he would talk me back into coming back home…. you know the control issue….
    I know if he sees me be happy and he's in his entitled element he actually sabotages me to take my joy!
    I got in the gym!
    be ready !
    to be a good mother to my children mentally fit for his b***** and physically fit….
    I have to tell you I'm on the same page with you when you say you do not want any more projects.
    But I'm afraid if I walk away from this one my husband will do irreparable damage
    Character assassination and triangulation
    My relationship with my children and my grandchildren is at stake..
    I am 60 years old I still train and watch my diet….keep up with my children and my grandchildren ….want to do much more with them but unfortunately my children are going through crisis now because of my life when I raise them.
    My fault too I stayed but I had no one…
    plus I was alcoholic because I drank to medicate because of his abuse so I could be happy with my children and it backfired right in my face you know that as well as I do….
    I quit drinking all by myself even though he fought against me with it ….the whole way…. Sabotage my efforts….

    I have been sober for 15 years

    My children were brought up against me for doing the right things.they payed very close attention ….especially the youngest to his behavior …..how I handled it…. the first one picked up my mannerisms as far as defending and always wanting everything to be right…
    My youngest picked up my husband's… way of being. It wasn't too bad until she got with people who enabled it
    she's away from those people now so I pray everyday.
    Looks like she might be rising above it!
    I pray everyday…
    My oldest is grabbing a hold of her wits and she's Rising above…. I am so proud of her.!!!!
    Every place I reached out he would put down and he still does when he gets in his mood…..
    I always get the silent treatment
    I always get character assassination
    I always get the passive-aggressive firing.
    Whenever he's uncomfortable it's always directed to me….
    It's on a cycle about a month long.
    I am grateful because before it was every couple days…..

    I have to tell you picking up training help to me.
    Watching my diet help the way I felt emotionally…. Because my body was working at a better speed….keeping myself in the gym showed him that he wasn't going to put me down and I was going to rise above him…. They get scared when you start getting stronger about the control issue.
    So you have to get stronger both mentally and physically

    If you cannot leave……
    I suggest leaving if you can….

    I do not have the coping skills for his narcissistic behavior when it shows up I now try to shutty shutty … giggle
    I absolutely love that one!

    I was exhausted I had a lot of sick days but I pushed through…. I still have them all he has to do is either smoke cigars or just have a bad day…
    it looks like he's trying to fix it but it's very hard for him he's been doing these habits for 36 years….

    I made sure that I got in the gym! ….
    I used anger to get me in the gym!….. He wasn't going to get me down ….I was going to show him!

    I was going to be walking straight… be strong and mentally focused and healthy when my family cleared….
    I was going to be the mother and grandmother that I've always wanted to be …
    I keep my faith in God also…
    I plead the blood of Jesus on my family regularly…
    God is teaching me patience I know this….

    I made sure I kept fires lit ….to keep my mind off of the problem…. because what you think about grows……

    When we are stuck in a narcissistic situation….. And I have been for 36 years and I have to take my responsibility in it ….
    we had nobody to turn to for help…But I should have left and I should have got my kids out of there!

    so I figured I'm going to get in the best shape of my life mentally and physically and fix this mess…..
    Well you know as well as I do I can only change me.
    My husband did not follow in fact he didn't work with me
    on anything emotional that I was concerned with…
    2 entitled from his damage…..
    He figured his job and his work ethic…gifts…. then when he was on good behavior made up for everything
    you better forgive him when he said or there would be a price to pay….
    always an attack on him because he's an abused child and still is….. It's draining… It makes me feel sick… Even though I try to take care of myself like I do….
    Please look up
    ….Solid Solutions Personal Training ….. on Facebook
    That is me
    Your videos are helping tremendously.
    I relate to your dialogue completely….
    please realize a lot of us women out there who are in very good shape and look like we have all our ducks in a row ….really don't…. we are just trying our best….
    Fighting the dragons…..
    Keeping mentally fit and physically fit the best we can under the circumstances so we can handle our situation….
    Fact!
    Love you and will continue listening….

  24. OMG it is so difficult. When I have to get up early for someone else, I can do it. When I have to get up for myself . . . um, not going so well.

  25. I love what you do! Thank you giving back and for sharing with all of us! I can always depend on it. It's very comforting to have something to depend on.

  26. Just getting caught up in these great videos. On this issue, it may have been better If Jesus had said “love yourself so that you can love your neighbour. You do a great job Lisa.👍.

  27. I don't know where to ask this and I'm desperate. Sorry, this is my mom account but I will ask my question anyways. I always need external validation regarding my looks. I always want men to look at me and to like me, even more those i'm attracted to. I have a pixie cut and sometimes I feel less pretty and I start missing my long hair because "most guys like it via internet" but the ironie here is that I get more attention with short hair??? So it's like an ego boost but very short term. When I don't get compliments I wonder if it's because I'm ugly but I'm considered " really pretty" but it's never enough, I always want to be the most beautiful and i have low self esteem. When I feel validated even by random people, I get ego high, sometimes I think I won't get a boyfriend if guys don't look at me and even tho i'm good looking and different, it's never enough. How can I stop this? I get sad when I don't get the validation. I don't even know if I want long hair by choice or because I want to be how others tell me to be…. when I feel like I'm ignored I think that something may be wrong with me so I start buying new clothes, makeup and changing my hair also looking in the miror 30x times to make sure I'm good in the attend to be admired. Because if others find me attractive then it's all that matter because it may mean I really am btw I'm not vain! It's like my whole worth is in my looks 🙁 it's killing me why I'm I like this???

  28. Your mother was right,self care should come bottom of the list but it doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t exist. It’s us who want children, so it’s our responsibility to care for them first and as they grow you get more time for yourself. It then becomes essential to self care and acquire several outside interests doing things that you want to do, so that will soften the blow of the ‘empty nest’ feeling when they leave home.
    Yvonne x

  29. Spot on …what is self love self care in a chaotic disfunctional dangerous violent abusive home …I read nearly every self help /12 steps book around ..I tried everything under the sun …I still don't know what this means and what it feels this self care business .
    Apart from eating right taking bubble baths exercise …the core still asks what is self care

  30. I was always verbally abused when I tried to set boundaries or do self care. by both of my parents! but as this video points out, they too, believe somehow self care is wrong! I am able to see now…I thought they just want to attack me, but no they actually believe taking care of ourselves is wrong! thank you Lisa.

  31. I see God as validating my true self. Yes, my parents had the job of validating / encouraging that true self as a child. I don't think they had the tools to articulate much encouragement to me. Maybe they didn't want me to get my hopes too high. My Mom (who had high expectations of me) died tragically at the age of 53 just before I came adult age. My Dad tended to retreat / watch TV / read the paper a lot…he died six years later one week before I got married. I wish we could have talked about more emotional issues / awareness before he died. Haha he was one of the old schoolers who didn't wear a seatbelt!

  32. Thank you so much Lisa for your efforts and your message this is helping me more than anything else or anybody else ever has I think your videos and the work you did and they're doing is a godsend and as far as self-care this was also a reminder for me to remember to do that everyday even if I don't want to and I just want to sit around but I've also had injuries to that make it hard for me to do what I did on a daily basis so for me part of my self-care trying to rest as much as I can to heal physical injuries and to not feel guilty about it

  33. I still get the crazy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see my mom. But Lisa I do have a question though. There was never outwardly any abuse and neither was there ANY alcoholism in the family. How would you explain that?

  34. That part about those of us with kids relying on us. Story of my life Lisa. I feel guilty ALL the time. I feel bad that I'm taking care of myself. But I still fight that feeling in meditation EVERY single day.

  35. I’ve been watching your vids for about 2 years now. As I shift through the different things I’m working on, I find one of your videos pops up in my recommendations and it usually relates to exactly what I’ve been thinking about. It’s completely weird but I choose to believe it’s the universe answering me. Thanks for everything you do!

  36. Love you Lisa please do research about the 12 step program . There is findings suicide rates . Look into Monica Richardson the movie the 13 step on amazon prime . Love you dear one.

  37. Your video contains a lot of wisdom. To be honest I’ve only recently started to care for myself again after having children (& my children are 18 & 20 ! ) – do the self-care thing – regularly. This is especially in taking time to look after my skin on my face & neck, & my appearance in these areas. I realised by my declining appearance in the condition of these areas that I had ‘let myself go’. Now I’m making the time to pamper my facial & neck skin with good creams & sunscreen to help repair & protect it. I’m also wearing some more makeup more often which adds to me feeling good about myself. Also, I believe that when we take time for self-care we are confirming to ourselves that we are valuable & worthy of being looked after, & this actually builds our confidence in ourselves as well 😌

  38. Dr. Romano, great video ! I carry an extreme amount of guilt for thinking about doing any self care. you're right, when it's not modeled, you don't have a guideline to follow. it's disheartening. esp. when you dont have a parent who models that behavior. the more self sacrificing we are, the better person we're seen as. Sad thing is, i still look for my mom's validation. but im taking small steps, i hope i get better.

  39. THANK YOU…Yes, we do learn some bad things growing up. Not enough money being a core issue for me. Always thought if I require medical care, it's too expensive. Still hard for me to come to terms with this. As an adult, self sabotage keeps us in that cycle of lack. Not knowing it's ok to take time and resources to care for me. It cycles back to a question, if I don't care for me, how can I care for anyone else? It's ok…. no need to die, learn to overcome these programs and take care of yo self… Love and light…

  40. Outside validation is an area of work for me!! Adopted 8 mnths by a narcistic mother. I've been veen in & out of asylums, rehabs & detoxes for 25 yrs. Fog lifting after nearly 4 yrs recovery to this awakening of Mommie Dearest's NPD – told it was me, still being told it's me (49 yrs old). Pain excrutiating. Gratitude immense. Thank you for lighting my way x

  41. You have such an incredible gift of transforming the abstract into the concrete, in a way that is so simple, so easy to understand and most importantly, your words integrate and I process them seamlessly and I can feel subtle shifts in my consciousness. Genius is simplicity. You speak the words my heart is unable to deliver to my voice to articulate. Thank you for sharing this map with me. You are an incredible teacher. I am hugging your heart.

  42. A good aca or ac support group is very helpful, because you meet like people and understanding
    Though be cautious- very damaged humans, but you'll get a feel if they're doing the work. Nice job Lisa!

  43. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    This was so good (per usual). So many action items and things for me to meditate on but this helped get me in a positive mindset to get it all done.

  44. I use to at least go to dr.s and dentist and when l could l bought things l wanted. And for a long time l couldn't do all these things. I learned how to do a lot more with less. Now lve kinda quit. I hate driving anywhere.. I have no connection. Kinda like l was growing up. Im trying..but l see whats happening around me. Something is being said everywhere l look. I can see that l didn't grow in areas others wouldn't get. I know l tried harder when my kids were my purpose… Now it doesn't matter. But your saying it does…

  45. I am glad I have found you. I could answer many questions I could not figure it out by myself. I am just curious to see how your ex husband deal with the situation that he is labeled as narcissist to the world. You became a successful and powerful woman. You have all lights on you and he is on the backstage. Curious to know his behavior towards you. He must wanted to punish you thousands of time. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with everyone! Just bought your book! Love, Carlota

  46. Just what i needed to hear today Lisa. ive been sitting around hoping one day id stop being a codependant and that i'd value myself suddenly. no. i realise now it will take effort to start self care and be self aware of my thoughts. Thankyou xx

  47. Wonderful tips Lisa! You speak wisdom but put it in such practical ways. I have been relearning how to care for my self. It is a journey, and I discovered that my perfectionist/critic starts to rear its head when I try too hard. My inner child Ema Who Blazes with the Sun reminds me when I get too serious how much she wants to play and shine her unique light in the world. When I remember how to play, I make self-care fun, light and Ema is a great supporter instead of plotting her sabotage. So grateful to find your wonderful talks! NAMASTE,

  48. Lisa lisa liss , thank you soooo much . you are a wonderful lady . I can only hope and dream that one day I'm able to be like you

  49. Oh man no way xD So having jeens hoodies or boots over 15 years and too guilty to buy new clothes, besides old ones are perfectly fine is programming to save some money… Oh well, they only got me stuff 2nd hand, which is all good. But thinking about it now never buying me shoes since ive been like 12 so i had to sort the money myself seems less 'normal' than when i tought that im im selfish even thinking i would like to have 2 pairs one warmer for snowy time xD ? Where is my poor notebook, this list of self torturing programing is becoming massive. But even if every single breath i take they implemented into me i WILL remove it and gasp for air of my own will! 😀

    Thank you Lisa, and thank you all fantastic people sharing their knowledge and mostly traumatizing experience, it gives me connections to complete unknown way of narc thinking in many subjects. And thats more than enough. Putting myself in others head no matter how sick it is there and mirroring it back with some counter force added, knowing basics of this madness is like childs play. Well looks like if needed i would mirror even a vampire xD So be it. Have a great day lovely people! 😀

  50. conditioned so that how "the less i cared for me"made me a better person…yup. crazy….and I lived that way, for decades.

  51. What about people who don't wash or simple 'hose off' with no soap or seemingly never seem nor look Clean and hair is greasy even though says is washing it (but never smell any lather of body was or shampoo straight after the very quick intermittent showers this person takes like washing clothing or dressing well and for going out all is the same lower than casual and quite rough, what is behind w=this and why ? I have my experience and theories, usually looking into and reflect upon self what about others denial and not seeing it or totally blow it off !? or say do but never look any cleaner or different , more to this but that is a strange factor… Cleanliness to most people is vital and paramount…Doesn't seem like toothbrush is being used although says yes brushing and the teeth are yellowish I know I sound like a spy and too involved but we were close and this is important to get to bottom of..

  52. I think I'd be fun to see you review the Divergent series! Especially your view of their societies! Your mom sounds like Abnegation.

  53. I would like to say thank you Lisa Roman I am truly grateful to have found your utube channel. I am working on my self love and dealing with such painful feelings ffrom my past. ❤🙏❤🙏. I have had horrendous heartache and learned many many lesson,s on my life path. I truly understand every word. Thank you I am grateful to you and thank you for all your guidance. I am beginning to understand myself more than ever before, this is exactly how I have felt most of my life. I knownow its not my fault and now am working on myself now, I am so thankful ❤❤🙏🙏

  54. Thank you, Lisa, you made my day. A cornerstone in healing and restoration no matter what we have been through. If we don't love ourselves, how can we love someone else? Love is the healing force in the Law of Attraction.

  55. Thank you for helping to change the world. You are helping to create less codependent homes which leads to more Peace on earth

  56. Hi Lisa, thank you for making these videos, when I go down the rabbit hole they always have the power to pull me out. My self-care problem is that I think I don't deserve to self care. I have health issues that would benefit from self care but deep down, somewhere there is a belief that I don't deserve it because I am lazy, worthless and I deserve to have health issues. In my thinking mind I know that is not true but this belief is just buried deep down somewhere and it really saddens me. Also… It came from my mom that it is "good" not to self-care. That it is humble and good and that it is the way it should be.

  57. When you said "breathing was an effort…", I burst into tears. Out of no where… Thank you for sharing your hope…

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