Quinta Vs. Self-Care

Quinta Vs. Self-Care


– [Audience] Quinta versus the ex! (hip hop music) (door slamming) – What’s wrong with you? Oh! – Kidding me? What do you mean, hi? – Yeah. – Ah! (exasperated sound) Like I’m some kind of punk bitch? Like (censor beep) you
just pop back into my life whenever you want to
after what you did to me? I don’t think so. – Yeah that is unacceptable. – It is 11:45. The nerve! Who said you could text me
in the (censor beep) morning? – No he is obnoxious. – It’s just disrespectful. I am working. – You should be. – You know what? He probably saw me on Instagram. Saw I got my hair braided. I had on a new little jumpsuit. Posted a picture the other day. It was fire! – Yeah. – Probably was like let me
get in there and mess that up. Say something to her and ruin her day. – Yeah I bet most likely that
is exactly what he’s saying. – This (censor beep). – That (censor beep). – This (censor beep). I went to lunch with Samuel the other day. – Mm-hm. – And I posted a picture of it. It was real cute. We look like a beautiful
black couple in love. He probably got mad, and was like let me go in
there and mess things up. Mess their relationship up. Make them argue. Make things fall apart. – You’re going to get in a
fight with Samuel over this? – No Kate. I’m just saying that’s
probably what he wanted. (phone ringing)
Here’s Samuel now. Hey baby. You left in on the stove Samuel, not me! You left in on the stove Samuel! No it was you! I am at work! Don’t call me while I’m at
work and say these things! We will discuss it when I get home. – Maybe just text him back, buddy. – Kate. And give him the satisfaction
of hearing from me? C’mon. Use your brain for like a millisecond. – Okay. You know I’m new to all this ex stuff. – Damn. I know what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna text his ass back. Hold up. – Yeah Quinta, that’ll show him. – I know right? Okay I need to say something that’s like, I’m that bitch. But you better not call me a bitch, or else I’m a slide you like you a bitch. – Maybe just like, hi. Ow. – Smart, okay. Hi. (outgoing text message) That’ll show him. – Yeah. (incoming text message) Look at him pressed. Texting back already. Don’t you have some work to do? I feel like you have something to do. Are you her manager? – How’s your first day going? Good? – [Audience] Quinta versus water! (hip hop music) – Dear God. – It’s unbearable. The summer’s over. What the (censor beep)? – I don’t know. But I’m gonna get some more
coffee from the kitchen. Do you want anything? – No I’m good. But hey babe? – Yeah? – Now I don’t want to tell
you how to live your life. – Nope if I want to watch
a seven hour marathon of Naked and Afraid that’s what I’m a do. And you need to support
me because you’re my man. – But don’t you think you should be getting some water instead of coffee? – Hm? – You don’t drink enough water. I never see you drink it. (string music) – [Quinta] I can’t clean the microwave because I can’t reach the microwave. (indistinct chatter) Man I’m thirsty. – Here have some of my water. – That’s okay. That (censor beep)’s wack. I think I’m gonna have some Hennessy. I keep some in the back for rainy days… (indistinct chatter) Look I get enough water, okay? There’s water in everything. Fruits, veggies, Milky Way bars… – Not enough. – Gosh! The less water I have the more
there is for people in need. – Nope! – You a hater, dog. – Don’t call me dog. – I don’t drink bitch ass water everyday, and I’m fine. I bagged you didn’t I? – Just drink it. What’s the problem? – It has no taste! It’s flavorless juice! It mocks me with it’s clearness! I don’t like it. It’s annoying. – Quinta. Here drink the water. I’m doing this for you. It’s good for you. I can’t believe I have to say
this to a 27 year old woman. – Fine! Give me the water. I’ll drink it. Okay? God Jesus. It burns! – Just drink it, it doesn’t burn. (Quinta crying out) (gulping) Ah! Woo! That was crazy baby. Did you see that? – I did. I’m so proud of you. I’m gonna get you another one. – Hold up. Take it easy, baby steps. But if you could get me
one glass of Hennessy. And some coffee. That’d be great. Maybe some melted butter too. You’re so encouragin’! (Sighs) Thank you baby. I don’t know what I’d do without you. – [Audience] Quinta versus curb! (hip hop music) – It’s like you’re not a bill collector. You’re a student debt collector. You don’t really have any power. So I told him that – (thumping sound) (Kate laughing) – Are you okay? – I’m fine. – Oh my God! You really took a stumble! – Yeah whatever. So anyways I said you’ll see
my money when I see my degree. – Nice. Good burn. Hey remember when you fell down? – [Quinta] Shut up. (dramatic string music) – Oh my God! (laughing) You fell! (mumbling) You fell! (laughing) – [Curb] Me first. I didn’t mean to trip you. I didn’t want to do that. My want is simple. My want is to exist. – I’m sorry. You remember tripping me? And you talk? – [Curb] Of course. I have nothing to think about all day besides the things that I see. Or the people I’ve tripped. You were one of three today. And I remember your shoes. – Okay well yes you tripped me. And I remember that too. And since you can talk I’d like – – [Curb] An apology. – I guess. – [Curb] Quinta. – How do you know my name? – [Curb] It says it on your underwear. Quinta if you’d like an apology from me, a curb, I’ll give you one. But consider this. Perhaps what you’re most upset about is that I’ve reminded you
of your own mortality. Reminded you that even on your best days something can go wrong. And that your limbs, your precious limbs, and the skills that you’ve had
walking since two years old, can betray you. What I think I remind you of most of all is that you are imperfect. Head up sweet human. This shouldn’t make you sad. I am perfect. – ‘Kay. – [Curb] But I cannot move. I cannot feel. I can not. – You’re… – [Curb] Stuck. – Hm. I guess what you’re saying is that I should accept my imperfections. That they make me human and still alive. – [Curb] Precisely. – That’s some good advice curb. You have anymore wise words? Since we’re here talking. – [Curb] Yes. Stop falling asleep with Netflix on. Your dreams become very odd. – Huh? Ow. So human. (hip hop music)

100 thoughts on “Quinta Vs. Self-Care

  1. Isnโ€™t the voice for the curb the guy who plays the cat in the dear kitten videos for BuzzFeed

  2. โ€œIt mocks me with its clearness!โ€ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ My sentiments exactly! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ You rock Quintaโฃ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿฝ

  3. Lmaoooo Rt @ โ€œi think Iโ€™ll have some Hennessy โ€œ ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    Sb- water is good for the vagina

  4. I cried laughing at that Quinta vs. Water ๐Ÿ’ฆ bit. I LOOOOOOVE HER OMG ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  5. lmao hereโ€™s a trick, my mom used to bribe me to drink water with flavored water when I was little still same benefits just more taste๐Ÿ‘

  6. Seriously? I cant even live on juice or anything else even after i hav any drink i need water coz water is
    water dude

  7. "If I wanna watch a 7 hour marathon of Naked and Afraid, then you gotta support me because you're my man" I relate to this on an emotional and spiritual level

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