Is it okay for you to feel angry? Is it okay
for you to feel the full spectrum of emotions? Can we get away from labeling emotions as
good or bad, or right or wrong? Today I’m going to take you through a session that I
had with a client where we unearthed her sensations of sitting and being comfortable with anger.
Keep watching. My name is Heather Evans. I’m a self care and empowerment coach working
with people around the world. If you’re ready to live your empowered life, walking your
path of purpose, remember to subscribe to my channel and click on that bell to get notified
when I release a new video every Monday and Thursday.
For a lot of us, there are emotions and feeling states that we maybe don’t allow ourselves
to feel for a variety of reasons. Either they’re uncomfortable or we’ve received negative feedback
when we’ve expressed these emotions or these feelings, and that’s exactly what was happening
with my client in this session. We took time to excavate and unearth the stories around
what it means to be angry, and I wanted to share my feedback during this session with
all of you because you might find it helpful. What we began to unearth during this session
is that it wasn’t okay for this particular client to feel angry, to express anger and
there were a lot of reasons behind that. Anger is a multilayered emotion, yeah?
Mm-hmm (affirmative). And oftentimes anger comes when we’re afraid.
If we’re anxious, if we’re stressed, anger is kind of like the umbrella term I like to
call it for like all of this underlying stuff that’s happening. Let me ask you, is it okay
for you to be angry? No.
I figured as much. You are incredibly measured and you need to be comfortable with all of
the underlying stuff that is actually what’s contributing to that umbrella emotion of anger
because most likely you aren’t quote unquote what we define as “angry.” Most likely you’re
stressed, worried, anxious, tired. Scared.
It’s one thing for you to go, no, it’s not okay for me to feel angry. That’s always going
to go on the back burner and I will just rally. I will do other things to make it okay, whatever
that means, versus going, actually, yeah, I’m feeling this right now and what is it
telling me? Like what’s actually happening? Because the fact of the matter is we can change
the imprinting, so that when you’re feeling angry you actually have the option to choose,
okay, yep. I’m going to use old habits and patterns to deal with the anger or I’m actually
going to find this healthy way of expression so it’s not just all bottling up inside of
me and I’m just using other techniques to kind of navigate around my anger, does that
make sense? Mm-hmm (affirmative).
As the session went on, what was interesting is that there was a shift. As we explored
where the anger was felt, how the anger manifested physically I then began to shift the conversation
asking my client if it was okay for others to be angry and to express anger to her. Guess
what? It was. So anger itself as an emotional state, as a feeling state isn’t a bad thing.
It was just not appropriate for her to express. What we had to do was excavate and unearth
what’s underneath the anger. Why is it not safe or okay for you to express it and then
also to discover that there are a few people with which she actually can express her anger,
where it is safe for her to be open and vulnerable in that way. Oh, so it’s okay. I just want
to get some clarity here, it’s okay to be frustrated and angry with certain people because
you feel safe, you feel held, you feel like they won’t abandon you and you feel like you’re
going to get the support to the outcome you desire?
Yep. So, okay. This is really good is that anger
is actually okay it just has to be with the right people in the right place at the right
time. Yep, mm-hmm (affirmative).
And that there are very certain people where anger is actually not okay. What we need to
do is find a way for the anger to be there without you feeling threatened by your anger
with these particular people. And that doesn’t necessarily mean that we express our anger
to these individuals, right? Because that could be really overwhelming for the system,
that might not actually be the best path forward, but how is their space created where you can
still process what’s happening without having to shut it down and go, oh, I’ll just maneuver
around this and it’ll just stay in my system until something insignificant and small makes
it come out. Yeah, your entire system goes into contraction, not only that, it kind of
folds forward in this protection mechanism because what’s actually happening when you’re
angry is you’re scared, so you’re almost like turtling yourself. You kind of roll forward
and you’re like, no, we’re not doing this. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
So it would be interesting the next time you’re feeling angry to notice it and go, yep, the
fists are closing. I’m starting to feel my shoulders and keep your fists closed so we
don’t have to change everything at once and just stand up. And put your feet about shoulder
width a part and just stand there with your fists closed and just see what it feels like
physiologically to be in a different space in anger versus the, yep. Nope. It’s happening
and we’re just going to … It is so important for all of us to be able to express our entire
spectrum of emotions for us to learn how to be more comfortable and hold space for ourselves
in the variety of emotional states that we have the capacity to express. It’s what makes
us full, healthy and vibrant human beings. I’d love to know what resonated with you from
this video. Please leave a comment below. If you’re interested in doing a deeper dive
into your feeling states, into your emotions and how we can hold space for ourselves, I’d
love to speak with you. I’d love to have an empowerment session with you. These are free
sessions. You, me talking about the shifts that you want to manifest in your life. I’ll
include a link for you to book your session with me below. I hope you found this video
helpful. If you did remember to subscribe to my channel, like this video and click on
that bell to get notified when I release new videos every Monday and Thursday. Stay ignited
out there holding space for all of your emotions. I’ll see you soon. Bye.