BREAKING UP CAN BE GOOOOD – The Sex Talk with Mou (Moushumi Ghose) and Jenoa

Hi, I’m gentlemen. I’m oh we’re having the sex talk Today, we’re going to talk about how to have a healthy breakup It’s something that we all do and how to um maybe if you want to get out of a relationship Or you know that the relationship has run its course Way past the expiration date, and you just it’s hard to say goodbye sometimes, how do you do it aka? How to break someone’s heart? That’s another pressure. It’s okay, but I have to say that it’s not always breaking someone’s heart It’s something that both of the people want and intuitively know it’s going to be good for them But they’re so comfortable, and they’ve been together for so long It’s really hard sometimes you just know you’re gonna break someone’s heart I know that you have been a relationships longer than you should have because you didn’t know that break never break up That’s mental I’ve stayed in relationships where I felt like I Was not being feel fulfilled anymore and um but we were we were so close, okay? And that I considered them to be one of my best friends, and so it’s hard to make that separation, but I just knew that We weren’t growing anymore that we were growing stagnant, and I needed to do some growing on my own And you don’t want to break their heart so anyway So how do we might have to do it? I think this goes back [to] something that we always talk about is knowing What our needs are and then being able to express it in a healthy way? Yes, I have to say Admittedly I was younger um in Situations like this where I broken up they have [they’ve] got kind of messy because I didn’t necessarily Come out and say like look this is what I need. I’m not happy anymore I need to move on I need to spread my wings. I need to be me as much as I love you I need to be a part It’s not an easy thing to be That clear-cut and honest and tell them this is what? Want so you have to be honest with yourself first and then honest with them. Yes? Yeah Even if it’s hard even if it’s hard one thing that I’ve noticed that happens is You you start looking for ways that you can blame your partner for the reasons that You’re not happy yeah, so don’t blame them because you’re not happy in the relationship. Yeah, don’t make them the bad guy. Yeah Yeah, you know TJ. Need something else right right right? So take sort of charge for what your needs are? And then once you know what you need be able to express it to your partner It is not a bad thing [to] want to break up Breaking up is a part of life We talk about fear of abandonment, but I really need to point out [that] abandonment is a part of life from a very young age We hear especially in the united states you go to school. You’re going to teacher for your kindergarten the next year You’re going to have a different teacher, then next year. You’re going to have a whole may be different set of classmates because people move sometimes Tragedies happen we are accustomed to Abandonment from the very day that we are born and so it is a natural part of life That relationships come and go yeah, okay? and so we need to recognize that and be okay with the fact that this relationship has run its course and I’m a human being I am going to struggle through this just like everybody else on the planet is too, okay? [I] also feel like they’re Even though you’re so close with this person once you do have a break up There might be a period of time where you need to be separate from them And you might need to have this conversation Of [I’m] gonna block you from Facebook because I don’t want to obsess on what you’re doing [I] want to have some space and get over you and get over this But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life eventually I might [just] need some space right now yeah together I absolutely think like if the especially if the [break-up] is hard or [something] that you didn’t want Having space as one of the best things In order to heal. Yes If you are being broken up with you have to be strong and take care of yourself and and create space for yourself I know it’s hard to you kind of want to focus on that person. Yeah And you want is there may be some hope there that they’re gonna come back? And you want to kind of fix it on who they’re with and what they’re doing, but take care of yourself Don’t do that. Do whatever you need to do block them You know don’t go to a party if you know they’re going to be there. Just take care of you and focus on you Don’t respond to their texts if they’re trying to join you I miss [you], and you know they’re not coming back this whole fear of abandonment thing I think that people think that marriage is like this solution Oh, because because they’re stuck with you for life, and they can they’re stuck with you for life And this all of a sudden, you’re never going to experience abandonment again and not true Just get used to the idea of separation as being a part of life and not looking at it as abandonment Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with it if we learn how to deal with it in a healthy manner Then it’s it’s only going to help us grow and you don’t have to feel guilty because you Abandoned someone when you broke up with him I’ve been through that one felt intense guilt because I broke their heart oh I’ve had friendships Yeah, so I knew that that friendship had run its course But if that person can’t handle the fact that you need to move on they’re gonna try to pull you in and perhaps Try to make you feel guilty for something like that, and you’re not doing anything wrong by saying this isn’t working for me anymore You’re not doing [anything] wrong stating what you need and a breakup is basically that you know yeah So this is true for friendships relationships family It happens with family members as well, so I mean really always be honest with yourself be honest with your partner Take care of yourself focus on yourself That’s what I think it’s most important. Yeah, and then once you do that You’re better able to communicate with others what your needs are I think we [have] the sex talk the sex talk

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